Good afternoon everyone! I hope you made it through the week okay. I’ve been struggling a bit with anxiety lately, but in the best of ways. I know that doesn’t make sense, but bear with me. I am pretty much afraid of everything, and I shy away from many things that are required for someone to be a “functioning adult”. For example, I am terrified of driving, applying to jobs, going anywhere new, and freeways. Guess what? I will be applying to a job that is going to require me to conquer so many of my fears.
A few of these fears were caused by bad experiences. I got in a super minor accident on the freeway, and I had a bad experience due to poor training at a previous and short-lived job, alongside my already severe anxiety. Though I am so nervous about where this could take me, the fact that I am willing to make the jump is a big step for me, and I’m very proud of my progress over the past year and a half.
Not only have I become more organized and less forgetful, but my bullet journal allows me the space to reflect and pick up on issues. Since my anxiety began to get worse, I started using my journal less, and I noticed things around me begin to reflect my mental state. Now that I’ve acknowledged that there is something going on in my life that is causing me a little bit of distress, I can take steps to work through it.
The first step is to make sure I am purposefully interacting with my bullet journal. I need to maintain this good habit of using my journal. This gives me a place to reflect on what’s going on, what isn’t working, and where I’m failing. I know my nightly routine has fallen to pieces, and I am not maintaining my physical environment the way I should be. I need to make sure I’m taking care of myself, so I don’t lose the great progress I’ve made.
The second step is to take action and make sure that I follow through. On Monday, I spent some time de-cluttering and cleaning my bedroom and bathroom. Putting things in order has a stimulating effect for me, it makes me feel good mentally and emotionally. I am also purposely taking time to pamper and care for myself. Whatever I can do to make myself feel more confident and push my way through the bad things that I feel.
Now, when I say push through the bad things, I don’t mean to say that I am completely ignoring them. I think it’s important to push yourself when you’re not doing the best, and I find that it helps me recover more quickly when I am determined to deal with them. However, it is important for me to acknowledge the way that I am feeling, and address those issues the best that I can. I am anxious, and it is affecting the way that I think and feel, so I need to take time to deal with those feelings and handle the things that are causing those feelings. I’m scared, and I will not ignore the feelings of fear, but I know that I can face them and I will take the little steps that I need to face those fears.
This is where I am in my journey toward the Orderly. Sometimes it gets personal and you have to deal with the tough stuff instead of sweeping it under the rug where you can’t see it. I hope this helps you in your search for the Orderly as well!
Let’s keep growing!